History of Dating and How it Relates to My Life

There are three different timeframes of dating and marriage. The first is called Political and Economic Relationships from ancient world to 1650 AD. The second timeframe is called Transitioning to Love-based Coupling from 1650-1900 AD. And finally, the last time frame of dating and marriage is called Love-base Coupling from 1900 to present day.
Being that I was born in 1995, all of my relationships have be in the "Love-based Coupling" time frame. During the 20th century, dating was called "going steady" and couples would go "parking" and park their car somewhere hidden and experiment sexually. For dating, it usually required the young man to take the woman outside of the house and pay for the date. I have personally been on dates where the man has paid for my meal or for a movie.
Several of my classmates have had babies outside of marriage- which seems to be the norm in this time frame of dating. There are also co-ed high schools and colleges. I have never attended a school with all women, and personally, I think that would be horrible. Too many hormones! I do think, at the current college I'm at, that there are equal numbers of women and men.
And finally, in this time frame, there is the impact of technology. Technology gives us instant gratification from instant messages. In my past relationships, I know we relied on our cellphones for communication when seeing each other was not an option. Technology also gives people access to web based dating services- such as tinder, bumble, and chat rooms. I have personal met a few people off of Tinder, although it did not end well, it still gave me access to people that I may have never met before.
That was a quick summary of the time frame of dating and marriage that I am currently in.

Adult Attachment Styles and How It Relates to My Relationships

Attachment style is the way a person relates to others in an intimate relationship. But what exactly is attachment? Attachment is special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure which is established in childhood (HDFS 115 Lecture 2). I have recently taken a quiz on my personal attachment style and I would like to share my results. My attachment anxiety score was 4.83 (on a scale of 1 low anxiety to 7 high), and my avoidance score was 1.78 (ranging from 1 low avoidance to 7 high avoidance). If someone scores high in attachment anxiety, they will often experience fear of rejection. If someone scores high in attachment avoidance, they are less comfortable opening up in their relationship. My taking this quiz (the linking is posted below), I learned that my attachment style is “(insecure) anxious/preoccupied.”

For those of you who don’t know, there are four different types of adult attachment theories within relationships. The first one is secure, which is being emotionally close and opening up to the partner. The next attachment theory is anxious/preoccupied, which I will explain in the next paragraph. The third theory is dismissive/avoidant, which could be someone who is comfortable without close relationships. And finally, the last attachment theory is called fearful/avoidant, which is having mixed feelings about close relationships.

Again, the attachment theory that best describes me (according to the quiz, which I agree with) is anxious/preoccupied. In this attachment I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, however I find others not as eager to get intimate. For example, I was seeing this guy for a long time and I wanted to have a committed “dating” relationship with him but he did not want a girlfriend. In this attachment, I can be overly dependent of others. My last boyfriend of 5 years would also be busy with playing sports, and I would just sit around waiting for him to have time for me to make me happy. I realize after we broke up that I had no idea how to make myself happy, I would always rely on him. And finally, I found myself as being “clingy,” as this attachment style explains.

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Filter Theory of Attraction

Filter Theory of Attraction really stood out to me because it happens in my everyday life. Filter Theory of Attraction is the process an individual/couple can go through to meet all of their potential dating partners; or basically how person A ends up with person B. The first 'filter' is called proximity. Proximity says that the person has to be close to you in time and space. Well, this theory has changed a little bit because nowadays we have social media and we're connecting with more and more people all over the world. For example, in my life I have used "Tinder," which shows people near you. However, if I were to travel, it would still show people near me, but I could potentially meet someone hundreds of miles away from where I originally live. The next filter is attractiveness- something about this person is attractive to you. This could mean looks, money, etc. In my life, I have been attracted to someone because of their looks, and also because of the way they dress (their style). The next filter is called similarities. In my life, I have met people that have complete opposite goals in life than mine and the relationship did not work. For example, my ex-boyfriend was obsessed with working out and football, whereas I was obsessed with our relationship and school. My ex-boyfriend rarely had time for me, and when he did he would always want to work out together. We were not similar at all and it caused the relationship to crumble. The next filter is complementary, which is personal characteristics. In my experience, I have met someone very shy (and I was shy too), so the conversation didn't last long because neither of us knew what to talk about. Whereas, in a different relationship I had, one of us was talkative and the other was shyer. I believe that together we made a good team, and that it was just the right amount of difference. Finally, the last filter that relationships go through is commitment readiness. In my past 'relationship,' I was the one ready for a relationship and my partner was not. He did not want to have a relationship with me, not now and possibly not in the future either, but he was stilling wanting to hang out and have a "thing." I ended it there because I didn't want to waste any time if the relationship wasn't going anywhere. All relationships are different, but I firmly believe that in most relationships, we all go through at least one of these filters to find our "soul mate."